Seeking happiness is like trying to catch a ray of sunshine: we know it's there, we sometimes feel it warming our skin, but it eludes us as soon as we try to capture it. What if the key to happiness lay somewhere other than the very idea of pursuing it? What if, instead of chasing it, we learned to recognize it, where it already manifests itself in our lives: in those moments when time fades away, when we are so absorbed that we forget to look at the time, when we feel both fully alive and curiously peaceful?
That's why we've created a three-step guided exercise , along with a downloadable template , to help you identify what makes you tick. This process is divided into three parts:
- Activities that put you in the flow
- The people who raise you
- Knowing yourself , your strengths and your values
Ready to embark on this introspective journey? Fill in your email address below and receive the template to print or fill out on your computer. Sit back, grab a pen or a cup of tea, light your favorite candle, and treat yourself to some me-time.
Part 1 – Activities: What you (really) like to do
This first part is a return to my roots. It aims to answer a simple but essential question: what do I like to do? Not what I should like. Not what others expect of me. Just... what gets me moving and makes me feel good.
1A. If no one was watching you…
Start by dreaming without a filter.
Take a sheet of paper (or open our template) and answer this question:
If I had no constraints (neither time, nor money, nor self-confidence), what activities would I want to do?
Let yourself go. This isn't about a career plan or a realistic to-do list, but about letting your deepest desires speak, even the most bizarre ones. Think about what you did spontaneously as a child, before responsibilities entered the picture.
Here are some examples to inspire you:
- Learn a new language
- Dance, alone or in a group
- Write stories, a journal, a blog
- Cooking without a recipe
- Sing at the top of your lungs
- Knitting or sewing
- Drawing, painting, tinkering
- Organize, clean, sort
- Ask questions, debate, interview
- Go on an adventure, hike
- Playing board or video games
- Gardening, observing nature
- To teach, to transmit
🔸 Ikigai Box Tip : Reconnect with your childhood. Remember the activities you enjoyed doing before you were 13. What did you do spontaneously when no one was watching? Or when you weren't under pressure to document your life on social media?
1B. The last 3 months: where did you have fun?
Then look to the present. In the last three months, what are three activities (personal or professional) that have given you pleasure? Where did you feel a surge of energy, a form of joy, even if fleeting?
Write them down.
Take your time.
1C. The flow matrix
Now comes the crucial step: placing your activities on the flow matrix (pride vs. competence).
You can use our printable template, or plot a simple graph with two axes:
- Horizontal = your skills (from weak to strong)
- Vertical = the level of pride/challenge (from little to a lot)
You can number your activities listed in 1A and 1B, and then rank these activities. Do you find it easy to do these activities? Would you feel a sense of pride if you did them?
BREAK.
Have you placed all your activities correctly?
Revelation, this matrix reveals your flow zone!
Locate:
- The activities that are in the top right : these will bring you pride, a sense of accomplishment, but you could get there with practice because you have facilities in this area. This is where the flow is.
- Top left is anxiety (too hard, not enough control), we avoid these activities as much as possible!
- Bottom right , it's boredom (too easy), sometimes we don't have a choice, but we don't choose them to relax!
- Bottom right is relaxation or control: these are pleasant activities but which do not require all of your attention.
🌀 Whatever is in your flow zone is likely aligned with your ikigai.
What is flow? This concept, studied by psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, refers to the mental state in which we are totally immersed in an activity, with intense concentration, a feeling of ease and pleasure. It's the dance between challenge and mastery. Too easy? We get bored. Too difficult? We get discouraged. But in between: we float, we move forward, we flourish.
In our quest for a daily life that is aligned, joyful, and meaningful, identifying our flow zones—those moments when we feel like ourselves —is a valuable step. It's also one of the gateways to our ikigai —the purpose that gives meaning to our days.
Also treasure activities in your relaxation and control zones. These are your energy reservoirs : activities that soothe you and that you can do without pressure.
Circle these activities.
Part 2 – People: Who are you really good with?
We are profoundly social beings. Our happiness depends not only on what we do, but also on who we do it with . Scientific studies confirm that the quality of our social relationships is one of the best predictors of lifelong well-being. Notably, the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development , conducted since 1938, revealed that strong, quality social relationships are the factor that most influences personal happiness throughout life.
In this second part, we will explore the personality types with which you feel most aligned, both in your professional and personal life.
2A. The people you like to work with
Think back on your past and present professional experiences. What types of people have you most enjoyed working with? Be honest and specific. Here are some personality traits to help you identify these people:
- Authoritarian
- Ambitious
- Calm
- Listening
- Creative
- Structure
- Spontaneous
- Empathetic
- Funny
- Genius
Note the traits that correspond to people with whom you have had fruitful and pleasant collaborations.
2B. The people you like to spend your free time with
Now, think about your personal life. What types of people do you like to spend time with? These aren't the people you have to spend time with (like certain family or social obligations), but the people you choose to spend time with because it makes you feel good. Here are some examples:
- People in need
- People who surpass themselves
- Calm people
- Ambitious people
- People who listen
- Creative people
- Young or old people
Identify the personality traits common to these people and write them down.
2C. Analyze the similarities and differences
Now compare the personality traits you identified in sections 2A and 2B.
- Are there any similarities between the people you like to work with and those you like to spend your free time with?
- Are there any notable differences?
- If differences exist, why do you think they are present?
- Is it because you haven't found similar people in one of the areas yet?
- Do your coworkers look like the people you truly thrive with?
- Are your friends obligations or people you truly thrive with?
This reflection will help you understand whether your current relationships, both professional and personal, are aligned with your deepest preferences and needs.
By better understanding the personality types that suit you, you can guide your professional and personal choices to foster enriching and fulfilling relationships .
Part 3 – Yourself: Your Strengths and Values
After exploring what you like to do (activities) and who you like to do it with (people), it's time to turn to the final piece of the puzzle: yourself.
Knowing your unique strengths and deepest values is essential for charting a life path that is aligned, authentic, and fulfilling. What you naturally bring to the world—what you're truly good at without thinking about it—is often a valuable clue for identifying your ikigai.
3A. What are your 5 main strengths?
We'll start with an inventory of your personal strengths. Note: these aren't just trivial qualities like "kind," "honest," or "punctual"—no matter how wonderful they may be, they're not enough to set you apart. Look for specific , recurring traits that can be measured in your concrete actions .
Here are some examples:
- You always find the right words to console or motivate.
- You simplify complex concepts naturally.
- You have a knack for making people laugh, even in stressful situations.
- You quickly sense the mood of a group and know how to balance it.
- You are incredibly rigorous and efficient in time management.
✏️ Exercise: Write down your 5 main strengths.
If this exercise seems difficult, don't panic. It's normal to be unaware of your own strengths. That's why the next step is so crucial.
3B. Less than 5 strengths? Give 360° feedback.
Did you rate fewer than five strengths? It's time to call on your friends and family or colleagues. Ask them:
🗣 “What do you really like about the way I act?”
🗣 “What do you find unique about me?”
This step can be intimidating, but it's often revealing. You might be surprised to discover that qualities you consider normal are actually rare and valuable in the eyes of others.
👉 You can send this little message:
Hi! I'm doing a little exercise to better understand my strengths. Could you tell me what you appreciate about my way of being or acting? No need to be long, I just want to identify what you think is unique. Thank you very much 🙏
Then incorporate these answers into your list of strengths.
💡 Supporting study: According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology (2012), people who intentionally use their personal strengths in their daily lives are significantly more satisfied with their lives , with higher self-esteem and fewer depressive symptoms.
3C. And at the end of your life, what would you like people to say about you?
This is a powerful question. If today were your last day, what values would you like to be remembered for?
- That you were a trustworthy person?
- That you have inspired others to be themselves?
- That you have made life more beautiful around you?
- That you have been courageous, authentic, or generous?
✏️ Exercise: Write down 3 deep values that you want to embody.
These values aren't just words. They're compasses. If an activity, relationship, or decision goes against your values, you'll feel it physically. Conversely, when everything aligns, you'll feel peace, joy, and momentum.
🌀 Congratulations, you're almost done!
You've just gone through a comprehensive exercise exploring your flow zone—that unique space where your activities, relationships, and personality converge. This is where your ikigai, your long-term happiness, your X zone , lies.
🗓️ Remember to note the date you completed this exercise, and set a reminder to do it again in 1 year, then 3 years. Your answers will evolve, as you change with time, experiences, and learning.
🌿 Conclusion – Your happiness deserves your attention
You have now reached the end of this exercise. You have delved into the heart of your deepest desires, your human connections, and your personal strengths. This journey was not trivial: it was an invitation to reconnect with what makes you alive , aligned , and fully yourself .
What you've just discovered is much more than just a preference chart. It's a tool for discerning all the big and small choices in your life.
👉 The next time you are offered a project, an activity, a responsibility or even an outing with friends, ask yourself three simple questions:
- Is it an activity that makes me feel good, that absorbs me, that stimulates me?
- Will I be surrounded by the right people?
- Does this mobilize my strengths, those that make me unique?
If you can answer yes to these three questions, you are probably on the right path. To your flow , to your ikigai , to your lasting happiness .
But remember: this path is not linear.
💫 You're going to get lost sometimes, go off track, and have doubts. That's normal. Pursuing happiness is like learning an art: it takes time, patience, curiosity, and a lot of kindness toward yourself.
📅 Repeat this exercise in a year, then in three years. You'll see how much you've grown, changed, and evolved. Because you're a being in motion, and so is your ikigai.
And above all…
Don't let the world's hectic pace make you forget what really matters.
You deserve a life where you feel alive.
Not a just “acceptable” life. Not a life by default.
Take care of yourself. Nourish your basic needs. Rest, eat well, move, surround yourself with kindness. You can't seek light if you lack air.
🎁 Thank you for taking this time. To go further, you can download our complete PDF template, fill out the different sections at your own pace, and even share it with someone you love. You might just spark a meaningful discussion. Or a spark.
📧 And if you want to tell us what this exercise brought you, we would love to hear from you: info@ikigai-box.com
With gratitude,
The Ikigai Box Team
SOURCES
This approach was developed with the participation of Joaquim and Daphne, as well as from many existing concepts and books:
- Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience . Harper & Row.
- Sinek, Simon. (2017). Finding Your Why: A Practical Guide for Discovering Purpose for You and Your Team . Penguin Portfolio.
- Héctor García & Francesc Miralles. (2016). Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life. Penguin Books.
- Ikigai Tribe Podcast . Hosted by Nick Kemp.
- Baumeister, Roy F. & Leary, Mark R. (1995). The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation. Psychological Bulletin , 117(3), 497–529.
- Clifton, Donald O. & Harter, James K. (2003). Investing in Strengths. Positive Organizational Scholarship.
- Maslow, Abraham. (1943). A Theory of Human Motivation . Psychological Review.
- Gallup Clifton Strengths Assessment .
